Slim’s Diary: ‘With the Power of Friendship!’

Finding a therapist as a Black person feels like the equivalent of going on an elaborate quest while missing half the tools in your box. Keep in mind this is from my personal experience. I can’t tell you how many ‘wild goose chases’ I went on to find Black therapist that were either booked up or had a dead phone line. If I do find a potential therapist, they don’t accept my insurance. I also cannot afford to pay $70 every week to have the therapist tell me what I already know. I had some counseling sessions before and that was what my experience was. It didn’t help much. This then led me to question, what do you do when you can’t get therapy? What if you either can’t afford it or can’t find one you’re comfortable with?

This is a real question for any Black person who struggles with this time-consuming side quest. Everybody can’t just go to therapy so how do you heal from trauma without someone who’s trained to help?

I quickly found out that the answer to that was friends, family, and maybe a romantic partner if you have one.

No, I don’t mean that you over burden one person with all your baggage and never hold theirs for them. I mean a healthy equal exchange of processing the hardships of our lives as a collective instead of doing so by ourselves.

Once again from personal experience, I could tell you what got me through some of my most darkest times were my friendships. I didn’t have a therapist in highschool and neither did my best friend but, we would get on that call and vent though. I had/have friends who I knew I could go to with certain situations and they did the same for me. You’ll be surprised what you come up with by just talking things out to a friend. Me and two other girls were good friends in high school and this one situation can just about sum up what our friendship was like.

I had a concert one night for school and yes it was a big deal because at the time, it was a known performing arts high school. My hair was F’d UP! I did these really awful jumbo braids in my hair and I knew they looked bad. I also knew it was too late to fix it. Y’all my friends went with me into the bathroom to break out the last minute hair salon in front the mirror. I mean hooked my edges up and everything. But understand that this wasn’t a one way street.

I bought them breakfast sometimes (I used to work and go to high school briefly). Sometimes they bought me lunch. Some of the friends I had were cool in a way where we just balanced each other out. That’s what I’m talking about when I say sometimes the best therapy you may be able to access is with the folk who are in the trenches with you.

So, when Venus mentions therapy but knows good and well she cant afford nor find one where she lives, it’s important that after that she meets the others. The others who also had their own 1-chapter long backstories too.

I did this for Black people like me who have/ had a hard time finding professional help. Unfortunately, it is a privilege to have a counselor or therapist. This is a reminder that you may not have to drive yourself crazy looking for help by yourself. Don’t get me wrong therapist are super important for unpacking trauma (we’ll talk about that later in the series). However, for the time being don’t shy away from those who do care if you have them. Even though for alot of us it’s difficult not to.

Maybe your family is the therapy you need, maybe a friend. Sure, you may not be able to trust one person with everything but having multiple people you can trust with certain parts of you does have a significant positive effect on your mental health.

I hope my characters remind you that the power of friendship isn’t only a very cornball trope that we joke about. It’s a genuine tool we can use to not only contribute to our healing but also contribute to our success.